An Affair of the Mind

An Affair of the Mind

Written By: Laurie Hall

Coming Soon! An e-book version of the book that sold 120,000 paperback copies.

Editorial Reviews

From Booklist

Mixing personal testimony with systematic critique is a staple of hortative religious literature, and Hall’s book is a superior example of the type. She has spent years struggling with her husband’s addiction to pornography, and for those who doubt that sexual obsessions can have effects like those of substance abuse on individual behavior and interpersonal relations, she lays out the dismayingly credible particulars of her troubled marriage in evidence. First deepening her Christian faith (abandoning herself to Christ, she says), she made prayer, reading the Bible, and learning about sexual addiction and the psychological dynamics of pornography and how to address them the everyday tactics in her battle to preserve her marriage and protect her children. Trusting the Lord and practicing Christian forgiveness (a quality she tellingly dissects) have been the foundations of her overall strategy. She urges women in similar circumstances to follow her–or, rather, Christ’s–lead. Meanwhile, she makes a case against pornography that, although rooted in Christian teaching about sexuality, even nonbelievers may find intuitively compelling. Ray Olson

Endorsements

 

5.0 out of 5 stars An Affair of the Mind, January 24, 2009
By Lee Anderson (Wildwood,MO) - See all my reviews
She wrote my story. It is healing and vindicating to have someone articulately put into words the exact emotions and devastation a woman experiences with the exploitation of her husband’s sin upon her life. I only wish I’d known of it and read it 10 years earlier; it would have saved me years of extremely distressing emotional,mental, spiritual and financial abuse. Now recognizing the pathological lying, narcissism, control and manipulation that accompanies this horrendous bondage, I will truly be able to minister to other “victims” of this demoralizing sin. A sexual addiction in a marriage with it’s accompanying horrors is the deepest betrayal to the heart of a trusting, faithful, devoted wife. The pain cannot be fully described. Broken trust over many years is never fully restored and she grieves that loss even in her healing.
5.0 out of 5 stars Recommended reading for every man, September 30, 2008
By  Michael Blyth (Jos, Nigeria) - (REAL NAME)

The author writes from the heart, avoiding superficialities, intellectualization and spiritualizing. Her journey has not been smooth or easy … this is not a success story with a fairy tale ending. I have to disagree, however, with the reviewers who think it is too pessimistic and without hope. The progress seen by the end of the book (which is certainly not the end of the story) is marked and more representative of the healing in addict families than is a quick, happy ending.

Good insights on forgiveness, especially regarding the pain that it involves.

After reading this book, I found myself wondering whether it should be required reading for pre-marital counseling. Given that the problem is so prevalent, would earlier awareness of the issues promote their resolution before the sexual addiction and family patterns cause such destruction?

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book!, January 7, 2010

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Laurie Hall wrote a masterpiece here. Honest, transparent, practical. Didn’t mince words, and didn’t share too much. She will continue to touch hurting women with each reprint of this book. A must-read for women dealing with husbands in sexual sin.

5.0 out of 5 stars Help for the Hurting, January 12, 2009

If only I had read this book ten years ago. It truly has been an eye opener. For any woman having suffered through the pain and devastation of betrayal, this book shows you that you truly are not alone. A must read!

 

 

Great book!, January 29, 2012

By Holly

This book is great and really helps. It is a religious book too and shows how one can become closer with God no matter what happened.


5.0 out of 5 stars A women’s perspective, November 21, 2011
By Linda
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This book explores the difficulty of marriage to a man with a sexual addiction. Through her process of discovery, she identifies with dead-on accuracy the negative sides of this addiction, the hurt it causes to the families and especially the spouses, and the long term changes in the mental processes of the addict. She talks about her relationship with God, and how she should respond to the situation in an obedient way. This is a book with a lot of impact to a believer, and a must read for wives and their addict husbands as well.


5.0 out of 5 stars Read it before there is a problem, November 8, 2010
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I agree with another review that this would be an excellent book for couples in pre-marriage classes. Women tend to underestimate the prevalence and strength of lust issues in men. Men tend to be clueless about the destruction their lust can wreck on a relationship. Men and women underestimate how “innocent” lustful activities grow into worse and worse perversions over time, and this applies also especially to any male children they may have.

It is the awful truth, but when one is fore warned one has a better chance at avoiding the dangers.



4.0 out of 5 stars Frustrating Relationship with Spouse, March 11, 2009
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This is an excellent book for any woman who is having a struggle with their husband in their relationship and is considering that he might be looking at pornography or other types of sexual behaviors. If your spouse is having any problem in those areas she will help you to know if your thinking is correct. This book is very Christian based. I am not sure that all of what she speaks about is necessarily truth, but she helps you to know you are not alone and helps you to see how the world views these behaviors and the experiences that a woman goes through when their husband is involved in these kind of behaviors.



5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful for those affected, July 23, 2008

I can tell you the stories here are real, sadly from first hand experience of a similar situation. I was totally unaware of the extent of the addiction until it was in fact too late. But reading this, I realized some of the most bizarre behaviors, where from his hiding the addiction. Her husband exhibiting startlingly similar behavior to that of my own spouse. It made me realize I’m was not alone in the struggle for a loved one, a losing battle, with devastating results. Pornography destroys lives and families, and is highly addictive.
I found this book extremely well written, and very helpful. It shows those of us affected are not alone, there are many of us losing the battle every day.


5.0 out of 5 stars It’s now almost two years later… May 14, 2002
By A Customer
I read the review from the person who thought there were no practical guidelines in this book for dealing with the addict. I understand that feeling, and the pain of that hopelessness. But there is a wealth of information in the pages of this book, and a clear blueprint of the process of surviving the impact of porno in your own life. I think I had to read it three times before I accepted what Ms. Hall was saying: This is a battle for the soul of the guy you married – not a fight against *him*, but against the *evil* that’s gotten its tentacles into him. And the battle is terrifying, because you have to willingly go into a freefall of faith in God. You have to seperate yourself from the evil, set your parameters, and let The Father go to work. And in my own situation, it *worked*. My marriage was completely dead, my family was destroyed, and we were all the way to divorce court before the evil broke. The journey was wonderful and horrible, exhausting and exhilerating; but, in learning how to truly love – and fight for – my family, God revealed His power in ways that even I, witnessing the events as they unfolded, have trouble comprehending. Miracle after miracle arrived, while I stood by obediently and watched, as the power of loving someone until I ached from the agony resulted in a man who has been broken, cleaned out, and made whole. We are together now, my family is reunited and, for the first time, genuine. There are echoes of the past, and though we are vigilant against evil, it’s still tough at times. But so far, so good. So miraculous, actually. Don’t discard the wisdom in this book until you’ve read it a few times, because her advice can feel brutal. But she also gives the recipe for *truly* loving your husband, and saving yourself and your children at the same time. I also cannot recommend strongly enough the book “Bold Love,” by Dan Allender. The two should be read together. Love is not about being nice, passively forgiving everything. And loving someone who has lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, destroyed your trust in all good things, and has done his level best to hate you – which is what porno is designed to do to the family – feels like the ultimate injustice. But if you can bring yourself to do it anyway, you’ll come to understand the love of Jesus Christ in ways you never expected – because you’ll be living as He lived.
My first review was 8/24/2000. I was furious, agonizing, and hopeless. A new Christian, I might have walked away from it all and found a new guy – like so many women do – if not for this book getting ahold of me. I hope the person who sees no help in its pages will read it a few more times. If only for her own sake.

 

By A Customer
I find that there are few books that impact my life so much as those written by broken people about brokenness. Laurie Hall has written such a book; I found it so encouraging to identify with the emotions and experiences she describes. She is open. She is heartrendingly honest. She holds no punches. For the second time in my life, I cried over a book. An Affair of the Mind reminded me that sexual addiction is a serious, dangerous path for men (and women) to walk. It reminded me that it cannot be ignored, or forgotten, or made light of; addiction must be dealt with, because it is a destroyer of hearts and lives. That includes Laurie’s life. Her husband’s life. Their childrens’ lives. MY life…and so on. Anyone affected by this addiction should read this book. I encourage wives to read it, because they will find encouragement; I encourage husbands to read it because they may begin to see what their addiction has cost their marriage, their family, their entire life. Did I mention you should read this book?

 

5.0 out of 5 stars helps Heal hurting wives & Stop husbands who hurt July 5, 1997
By A Customer
This book is extremely helpful to both women, and men (who need to know the dangers down this road before traveling too far on it). I have recommended it to my wife (she too, has found help here) – and I will also ask my teen-aged daughters to read it. I think each young man should read this book around the time he first starts recognizing the incredible power of sexual urges in his life (I hope they are mature enough to handle it).
The author (my heart goes out to her), effectively communicates the problems with the “surface suggestions” that are offered to wives who are effected by their “hooked husbands”, and she tells how she has been able to keep her own dignity while helping her husband on his journey out of this quagmire. I have found help for myself in reading this book , ( I have had problems with soft-core porn). This book has helped me understand how this material has negatively impacted my ability to enjoy the optimum relationship with my wife — that of a REAL PERSON to PERSON RELATIONSHIP – as opposed to the situation where I receive sexual feelings outside of an environment of real interactions with the real person who is giving of herself to interact with me in myriad ways including sex). This book helps me understand the terrible price paid , when I succumb to unbridled lust : the effects this has on my wife and also on myself : not the least of which is how our relationship is hindered from being the best it can be for each of us

 

Very Insightful, February 2, 2007
By Bonnie (Colorado)

I found Ms. Hall’s book to be very helpful and insightful. She provides excellent Christian guidance for working through this very serious marital issue with dignity and sanity intact. Her journey to a closer relationship with Jesus rings true with my own experience. I am thankful to Ms. Hall for sharing her story and highly recommend this book to others who are suffering (or have loved ones suffering) through the same nightmare.


 

5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding, January 14, 2007
By D. Allen -
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)
This is one of my favorite books of all time. It gives a deeper understanding of what is right and what is wrong with the sexual desires a person can have. It is looked at through a woman’s point-of-view.

 

I was the man…, August 16, 2006

As I was seeking to recover from sexual addiction/bondage to pornography, this book showed me myself in the mirror and what had happened in my relationship with my wife and family over the years. The chapter on physical affects was an eye opener. This book helped me move from denial to recovery and four years later I am grateful to the author, God, 12-Step Recovery, and Battleplan Ministries for helping me find my way out of bondage.


 

5.0 out of 5 stars Informative & Encouraging, August 2, 2006
By F. Estevez (Jackson, NJ USA) - (REAL NAME)
This subject matter is not one that is easily talked about or readily available. We are programmed to think that pornography is one of those things that define men, the old boys will be boys mentality. But Laurie Hall debunks all of that in a very candid and revealing look at the devastation of pornography. She reveals how it robbed her and her husband of a healthy marriage and encourages the reader that there is hope as well.

 

5.0 out of 5 stars Great for the women who think they’re alone., May 29, 2006
By S. Pyke “Freya dePage” (Melbourne, Australia) - (REAL NAME)
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)
This book was awesome, it didn’t tell me what to do in my situation, but it certainly helped me to know I wasn’t the only one suffering.No simple answers, just a very touching story with some great ideas towards self recovery.Awesome reading!
An autobiography, May 22, 2006
By Savio vaz “Savaz” (Mumbai, India)

 

This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

The best book I have read on the subject of pornography. It tells the story of a woman whose husband is addicted to porn and [...] and she dosent have a clue of what is happening. The addiction takes her husband away from the family isolating him infact. The children grow without a father around them. The book has had great impacton me. It did teach me a lot though. I am not married yet but God taught me a lot of things through this book. A highly recommended book for both men and women who struggle with Porn and self indulgence


 

5.0 out of 5 stars Shattered by porn, February 14, 2006
By Annabelle “avid reader” (Winchester, VA)

When I discovered that my husband had been involved in porn I was shattered. For years I had known that something was wrong, but I could never put my finger on what “it” was. Laurie Hall’s book was like reading my own life story. To me it was like finding a strong arm to hold onto. The book is easy to read, packed with information, offers hope via her own story, and answers many questions and myths. I especially liked her sharing some of the viewpoints of people outside the problem. I too have encountered those viewpoints. By Laurie courageously sharing them, the hurt was precluded. I knew when someone said one of those hurtful things, it wasn’t true. Reading her story gave me hope. I too have passed through the doubts and fears. If you need more help go to the Setting Captives Free website. They have free help for both the porn addict and the wife.

Ladies, if you are looking for answers, get this book. It is WORTH the money.


 

5.0 out of 5 stars An Angel sent me this book right from heaven……, December 12, 2005
By leilani (utah)

I will forever be thankful to Miss Laurie for her years of pain and strength and faith. I was just engaged to a young man with a pornography adddiction. I knew things weren’t right in my heart, but others so minimized my concerns. The insight and depth, the connection of innermost feelings I felt as I read this book, were absolutely divine in nature. I was able to connect with EVERYTHING she placed on those pages. And I was able to see so many different parts of this addiction with such larger eyes now, the BIG picture, and the signs were all there I just didn’t know what they were. But now I know. And I have been able to let go of this sweet, tender, addicted young man, and give him to God to heal. And take my life on to wherever The Lord sees best. God Bless. Forever in Gratitude – Leilani


 

Thanks Laurie for your realness!!!, July 27, 2004
By calluna13 (Indianapolis, IN USA)

 

This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This book is such a lifeline in addition to the Bible and a Christian counselor at a time like this in life. It is such a need to hear from someone who’s “been there” and survived thus far. Times like these don’t let you know they’re coming usually and most people, even Christians, lack understanding and knowledge on this secret yet widespread addiction and it’s victims. People like Laurie are truly a God sent for those of us who have limited resources or outlets to turn. I wish nobody, including myself, would ever have to experience this horrible betrayal and spiritual battle, but if you do, read this in addition to the Bible, prayer, and a Christian counselor who specializes in this area. Trust me, I know.

 

A good step for understanding, February 27, 2003
By
“prologue” (Liberty, NC USA) - See all my reviews

 

This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I struggled with pornography for several years before and after I was married. This book provided a better understanding of the chains that I was in and gave my wife a perspective on what I was struggling with. It also gave me a small perspective of what she (my wife) was dealing with.That said, I think this book helped me to understand my chains, but did very little to help me be free from them. Setting Captives Free: Pure Freedom <ASIN: 1885904304> finally helped me to allow Christ to set me free fully and completely.

The two books are excellent companion pieces, though. Affair of the Mind did help with understanding and opening a dialog between my wife and I, but it is only a step and not the final answer.

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31 of 32 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A lifeline to healing, June 1, 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

From the extraodinary comments from other reviewers of this book, its easy to see the value of Laurie Hall’s words. Unless you have walked through the devastation of this kind of long-term infidelity in your marriage, you won’t get it. If you enjoy pornography as a part of your own life, you won’t get it.For those who do get it, this book is a lifeline. Her words are dynamic, vivid descriptions of the emotional wreckage left from discovering sexual addiction’s stranglehold on men and the erosion of the marriage relationship. Laurie tracks her emotional and spiritual journey through this hell with stunning honesty. In the midst of my own walk through hell last year, she described EXACTLY where I was in my pain. Other women I know who are going through the same situation say the same thing. We read and re-read her words, and find sanity.

The best part in this book is the author’s struggle in finding a place in God through the pain. He IS the way through this, and by following in another’s footsteps, we can do it, too. She lights the path that would be hard to follow in darkness, and ultimately finds her Redeemer as her hope. I pray that others reading this book will find the same.

It’s now almost two years later…, May 14, 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I read the review from the person who thought there were no practical guidelines in this book for dealing with the addict. I understand that feeling, and the pain of that hopelessness. But there is a wealth of information in the pages of this book, and a clear blueprint of the process of surviving the impact of porno in your own life. I think I had to read it three times before I accepted what Ms. Hall was saying: This is a battle for the soul of the guy you married – not a fight against *him*, but against the *evil* that’s gotten its tentacles into him. And the battle is terrifying, because you have to willingly go into a freefall of faith in God. You have to seperate yourself from the evil, set your parameters, and let The Father go to work. And in my own situation, it *worked*. My marriage was completely dead, my family was destroyed, and we were all the way to divorce court before the evil broke. The journey was wonderful and horrible, exhausting and exhilerating; but, in learning how to truly love – and fight for – my family, God revealed His power in ways that even I, witnessing the events as they unfolded, have trouble comprehending. Miracle after miracle arrived, while I stood by obediently and watched, as the power of loving someone until I ached from the agony resulted in a man who has been broken, cleaned out, and made whole. We are together now, my family is reunited and, for the first time, genuine. There are echoes of the past, and though we are vigilant against evil, it’s still tough at times. But so far, so good. So miraculous, actually. Don’t discard the wisdom in this book until you’ve read it a few times, because her advice can feel brutal. But she also gives the recipe for *truly* loving your husband, and saving yourself and your children at the same time. I also cannot recommend strongly enough the book “Bold Love,” by Dan Allender. The two should be read together. Love is not about being nice, passively forgiving everything. And loving someone who has lied to you, betrayed you, cheated on you, destroyed your trust in all good things, and has done his level best to hate you – which is what porno is designed to do to the family – feels like the ultimate injustice. But if you can bring yourself to do it anyway, you’ll come to understand the love of Jesus Christ in ways you never expected – because you’ll be living as He lived.
My first review was 8/24/2000. I was furious, agonizing, and hopeless. A new Christian, I might have walked away from it all and found a new guy – like so many women do – if not for this book getting ahold of me. I hope the person who sees no help in its pages will read it a few more times. If only for her own sake.

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18 of 22 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars We spouses are not alone…, May 10, 2002
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)
I have been married to a pornography addict for nearly 28 years. His addiction has destroyed our marital relationship. Although my husband, to my knowledge, has never sought out prostitutes or affairs, Laurie Hall’s book touched on every single emotion I have ever had regarding his addiction. It was so nice to know I was not alone. I noticed one reviewer said that this book would only be useful to someone who obviously hadn’t been there, but what I found was that it encouraged me to journalize my own feelings as I was reading. This is not a happy book if you are only looking at the addiction aspect – neither is the addiction! But it’s a very helpful book for someone who is ready to face the problem down, and start living in a much more productive, peaceful, and Christian way. Ms. Hall writes from the heart and doesn’t pull any punches.
An Affair of the Mind, December 4, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I thought this was an excellent book, it was written so well that it grabbed my attention from the beginning, I hope she comes out with more books, not just in this subject, but many other Christian books, she is so anointed and so is this book, and I dont say that about many books. This book is for both the addicted person and for those whom this addiction has effected.

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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful, September 3, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This book was my first reading on this topic and I found it to be helpful in dealing with the emotions running through a woman’s mind when dealing with a pornography addicted husband. It was like she was reading my mind. She was very courageous to write this book! It will help you to sort out those feelings and know that what you’re feeling is just like other women.

A must read!, June 19, 2001
By
vicki j gabriel (Fairfield, OH USA) - See all my reviews
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This is an excellent book for anyone who knows anyone playing with soft or hard porn. Laurie talks to every degree porn usage. It is extremely insightful for any Christain woman is truly wants to understand how God wants them to handle themselves under unspeakable hurt and frustrations. I highly recommend it!

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9 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Must read for every man and woman!!!, June 14, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This is an in-depth book at a very important topic. This subject needs to be dealt with in the Body of Christ and it is time we quit acting like nothing is wrong. Please get rid of every excuse you have for not reading this must have title.

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10 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Great, June 10, 2001
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Great book for anyone who has experienced the pain of pornography or knows someone who has.

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23 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Finally– a book confronting the taboo of sexual addiction, April 1, 2001
By A Customer
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This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I cannot say how much this book touched my life. The church has simply failed families–especially the wives affected by the horrors of pornography in their husbands’ lives. Telling women to ‘be more sexy’, or ‘pray harder’ is not the answer, and Laurie’s account of her own struggle gives hope to the hopeless. I can also highly recommend, “The Cleavers Don’t Live Here Anymore”, also by Laurie Hall–which helps women move on into the process of forgiveness–true forgivness–drawing boundaries, and winning back their dignity. She doesn’t advocate being a victim or a martyr–and it gave me a whole new perspective on Jesus–and that he doesn’t want me to be a doormat. At the same time, her account is filled with grace and compassion, but a sense of responsibility for each person–the abuser and their spouse.

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All things work for the good…, August 24, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Thank God, and Laurie Hall – not just for freeing me from this hell on earth of constantly being “gaslighted” by the invisible evil my husband brought into our lives, but for freeing me from the pious Christian “fear” of the Father. For debunking the myth that “forgiveness” means helping your husband through the gates of eternal damnation. Pious, phony “forgiveness,” offered by the offended to the offender just to be sure that God approves of us, is the worst kind of cowardice: It allows the sinner to continue the very thing which will destroy his soul. It takes a true believer to hold another truly accountable for his actions, especially when the pornographer happens to be the head of the household, in possession of the paycheck. The victims of this “victimless crime”, my two children and I, have learned the true meaning of reliance on, and faith in, the Almighty.As He promised, all things work together for the good, for those who believe. Mrs. Hall, your pain, and the pain of your babies, saved another wounded, shattered wife and her children from turning on the Father when our lives exploded in our faces. We are closer to God now than ever before, and your book led us there. Where the road is leading the three of us remains to be seen; however, your road led you to hold a candle at the end of a dark, frightening tunnel, leading broken women and their disillusioned children to a place of comfort and safety: The Lap of the Father. God’s richest blessings upon you and yours, Laurie.

I’m off to bake some chocolate chip cookies. My kids’ favorite.

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17 of 21 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A word from a victim of a “victimless” crime, August 10, 2000
By
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Yes this book is written to Christians and builds on a Christian foundation, although I disagree with other reviewers here that this is any sort of crime. If you read some of the angry fundamentalist notes on this board, you will see that Laurie Hall questions some of the horrid, demeaning, and mysoginistic assumptions of certain fundamentalist clergy, such as the demand that the wife immediately “forgive” (Translate: ignore) her husband’s cheating and live in a make-believe world where his is a good husband. Laurie Hall makes an irrefutable argument that forgiveness can only work as a gift and cannot be coerced or demanded.Laurie Hall’s exaples are poignant and her arguments are compelling. I defy anyone to construct a well-reasoned rebuttal to the first chapter of this book — the chapter entitled “Victims of a victimless crime.” So far from those that respond negatively I see only attempts to silence her — I take it that the readers that didn’t like the book had no answer for her arguments.

Great resource for friends, pastors and counselors, June 2, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)
I have a friend who is experiencing this problem in her marriage. When I read this book-except for a few minor exceptions- I thought I was reading her story. She also is facing the attitude of others blaming her for her husbands addiction. Not just from her pastor but from church members and her own parents. I was hoping to not only understand more about what she was facing, but to also validate my sense that all these people just did not understand. I recommend this for pastors and counselors because due to the increasing occurance of “sex in your face” in our society-this problem will only grow. Also I think it will make some people realize that a little leven spoils the whole loaf.
Amazing, April 28, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This book saved my life. No, it didn’t turn my marriage back into a honemoon, but it did give me the courage & will to fight- and win!

Beyond Words!, April 24, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

There simply aren’t words to express my gratitude for this book! This book is a Godsend and has helped me tremendously in my feelings, outlook, and future actions concerning the sexual addiction that has come to light in my family. It is so easy to read and the author gives real-life, fascinating stories of others who have discovered and dealt with sexual addiction. I whole-heartedly recommend this book!

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26 of 26 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Validating, March 3, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

An Affair of the Mind is the most validating book I have ever read. Reading about Laurie Hall’s experiences helped me realize that my feelings were not crazy, but normal for a women married to a sex addict. While Laurie chose a different path than I did or would in her situation ( as far as my marriage was concerned), I found plenty of encouragement and practical help. Laurie helped me see that the end of my marriage was not my fault. This book is a must read for any Christian woman — divorced, separated from, or still married to a sex addict.

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25 of 25 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Supportive and Realisitic, January 26, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

If you are going through this experience with your loved one or if you suspect something like sexual addicition may be occurring in your family, this book is so helpful in giving you concrete ways to cope, to change yourself and to pray about it and also to decide if you can stay in the relationship, which she did and she is very supportive of that option for married couples. Laurie Hall did a great service for women and wives in writing this book.

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17 of 18 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Deep and Insightful, January 13, 2000
By
Jodie (South Carolina) - See all my reviews
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I was unable to put this book down from the moment I started reading it. After I had finished I couldn’t stop thinking about the insight I had gained from reading this one book. This book looked at pornographic addictions from many different angles. It showed the physical, and spiritual long lasting effects that sin can cause and reap in a persons life. Just about the time I thought I couldn’t read another word and I began to realize the heaviness of sin on our minds, the revelation about God and his forgiveness brought hope and peace back to my heart. This happens to be one of the top 5 best books I have ever read. After I finished this reading this book I felt much more aware of my surroundings. Some of the things I read in there have changed my outlook on life forever. After I read this book I also had a tremendous feeling of peace in my heart knowing the more truth about that particular subject.

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16 of 17 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars healing a broken heart, January 5, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I purchased this book almost two years ago when the issue of sexual addiction reared it’s very ugly head in my new marriage. I believe that only God can deal with the core issues of this problem in the addicted and the enabler. Therefore, I found Laurie’s book to be of great help to me in understanding the depth of the addiction in my husband and the ability to bring about forgiveness in me. There is hope for marriages and Laurie addresses this in great detail. I need hope right now and am reading it for the third time and seeking professional help. I would like Laurie to update us though!

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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Help for a hurting wife.., December 25, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)
Although this book was somewhat depressing as I read about what Laurie went through with her husband, it gave me hope and a feeling that I am NOT ALONE as my husband struggles with this addiction. It also gave me confidence in some steps to take to help him and also confirmed to me that I could not ignore this problem any longer. I am glad to say things have improved tremendously, but we are still in the midst of a battle against this very private sin. Laurie’s tenacity and spiritual depth have been a great source of encouragement and strength to me and give me much hope for the future.
Very good book, but not for everyone, September 16, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This is a very good book, if you are a Christian Wife whose husband is a sex addict. However, if you are not Christian, or if you are a husband, you probably won’t like this book unless you can ignore the stuff with which you don’t agree and simply focus on the excellent information. And excellent information it does have. There is an extensive chapter on why pornography is so bad. The focus is on saving the relationship, which is good if that’s what you wish to do, but there is a chapter on when to decide that enough is enough. This book, unlike most others, does not assume that the wife is co-dependent. It is also very non-judgemental. It gives advice on how to handle others in your life (family, friends) who are judgemental, and who make hurtful and damaging statements. This would be a good book for other family members to read, such as siblings of the sex addict or spouse, parents, adult children (I repeat–ADULT children), etc. However, I will warn again that the book is written from a very Christian viewpoint, with much reference to the bible and God and Jesus. It also speaks against homosexuality, unmarried sexual partners, etc. It does have so much valuable information, though, that I would recommend it to those I know could ignore and skim through the parts that might otherwise offend their individual belief systems. There are few books out there on this subject, especially ones that are aimed not at the sex addict him (or her) self, but at the spouse or others in the sex addicts life. This book is valuable to us for that very reason–it specifically deals with sexual addiction from the wives point of view. For that reason it is invaluable, and I recommend it highly.

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28 of 31 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A great help when I was looking for it., September 15, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I had started digging my own grave by “wondering” what was on the other side. Sex with my husband was getting to be routine, I wanted to get more excitement. I am the one that openned the “door”. I read books, saw images, and always wanted more. I knew it was wrong, but the “pleasure” I was getting seemed to overcome my guilt. I didn’t really want to stop, but from deep down inside of me I knew I had to ask God to help me.I was just getting over my “curiousity” when I found out my husband was viewing pornographic material and having conversations on the Internet. I was speechless. I didn’t want our marriage to go in that direction, and looked everywhere for help (with a christian perspective). I read this book, and am so happy that I did. Thankyou Laurie for sharing your pain. My husband and I don’t want to ever go back that path again. This book helped me understand how subtley we can be drawn to pornography, and it’s effects if we don’t run away from it.

Fortunately we turned back before any real damage was done to our marriage. We now have that communication we should never had let go of in the first place. Prayer really works.

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12 of 12 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a lifesaver, August 24, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This book is a wonderful book for anyone that is experiencing sexual addiction in their family. It helps to open your eyes and get some answers. It also helps you to deal with all the pain and grief that you are feeling. If not for this book I believe that I would be insane. It explains the power that pornography has on our society today and how we can deal with our loved ones that are involved with it. A must read for anyone that is in or suspects their spouces may be involved in the pornograghy prison. If you think that pornography isn’t damaging to you or your spouce or others then you must read this book. You may just see things differently.

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A must read for male sex addicts, May 31, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

If you are a male sex addict (ie, you masturbate regularly, have affairs or see prostitutes) The first half of the book will help you see what affect your behavior is having on your spouse.An outstanding book!

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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wives of sex addicts, you MUST read this book!, May 14, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Laurie Hall’s journey is such an encouragement for any wife who is committed to saving her marriage to a sex addict. Laurie has “been there, done that.” Her practical advice will help point you toward recovery. Her research and hard learning will help you understand the disease which has shaken your world. Thank you, Laurie, for your honesty and encouragement that I am not alone! God bless you.

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41 of 42 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful encouragement for devastated wives – like me., April 21, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I find that there are few books that impact my life so much as those written by broken people about brokenness. Laurie Hall has written such a book; I found it so encouraging to identify with the emotions and experiences she describes. She is open. She is heartrendingly honest. She holds no punches. For the second time in my life, I cried over a book. An Affair of the Mind reminded me that sexual addiction is a serious, dangerous path for men (and women) to walk. It reminded me that it cannot be ignored, or forgotten, or made light of; addiction must be dealt with, because it is a destroyer of hearts and lives. That includes Laurie’s life. Her husband’s life. Their childrens’ lives. MY life…and so on. Anyone affected by this addiction should read this book. I encourage wives to read it, because they will find encouragement; I encourage husbands to read it because they may begin to see what their addiction has cost their marriage, their family, their entire life. Did I mention you should read this book?

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11 of 11 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars This is a life changing, profound book…, March 28, 1999
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Although this book is written specifically for women whose husbands are involved in pornography, this book is not exclusive. It is for any woman (and man) who has despaired in their marriage. Laurie not only points to, but fully illustrates from her own experience the true source of life, God. No marriage can be what it was truly meant to be without God since it is God’s institution and very great concern. I recommend this book to ANYONE who is married, or considering marriage. I cannot recommend it highly enough, it is superlative. Laurie was profoundly changed by her experience, but her response to her experience with God’s enablement, has allowed her to write a book which when put into practice, i.e. going to the only one who is capable of truly helping you, God, can profoundly change your life as well.

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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent, down-to-earth, and honest expressions!, February 26, 1999
By A Customer
Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Finding out about my husband’s addiction was the most shocking thing in my marriage. For the past 4 months I have been all alone trying to cope and understand his problem. I’ve had to be strong for him and my family, I could not talk to anyone about my feelings. This book helped me to see what is happening within my husband and also how a wife feels deep down. I’ve shared info from it with my husband and it has helped him to see WHY he is doing what he does. Now, he is getting therapy. Thanks Laurie for sharing your experience with others!

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10 of 10 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars A good book for a young man to read, February 12, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I am a young unattached male and Mrs. Hall’s book has worked on so many different levels, (emotional , experiential, intellectual) to warn me of the dangers of these behaviours. My future family will have her to thank for at least this part of our stability. I thank her for her testimony.

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7 of 14 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars My Husband is Dead, but it is NOT too late for others!, February 8, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Two years ago, I returned to our lovely home only to find the door latched. A loving neighbor helded me in. It turned out to be the most embarrassing day of my life! I was stunned to find my strangled husband hanging from a horse-harness — naked as the day he was born — with someone buzzing away in his rear. The floor of our attic was stewn with sordid pornography! If only I had read this book BEFORE, I might has seen the signs and helped my husband before his addition ended his life and embarrassed me in front of a neighbor I now avoid. God wants Christian wives to love their husbands, but they are still men and can never be trusted. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to all women struggling with husbands who fill their minds with ungodly smut.

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Finally a book that I can relate to!, January 24, 1999
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I have read about addictions before, and how men deal with pornography, but I have never been able to read a book that had me written into it. I know that I am not alone! Thank God for Laurie Hall and her courage to write this book! There is NO other resource out there like this book. She tells a woman how to recover from her husband’s sexual addiction. She validates the fact that pornography has had an effect on her and her family. A must read book for anyone thinking that porn is a “victimless” crime.

Fantastic – this book is life changing, October 19, 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Laurie Hall shares an honest and heart felt account of her journey to cope with and grow in faith in spite of her husband’s sexual addiction. If you are affected by this disease, this is a must read.

Awesome book! Laurie hits right at the heart of the matter., July 11, 1998
By
verderame@bigplanet.com (Phoenix,Arizona,U.S.A) - See all my reviews
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This book was easy to read. You won’t want to put it down. It was extremely moving and made me look at my own life.

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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars It helped me to stop being mad at God & start clinging to Hm, May 8, 1998
By
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

“Affair of the Mind” describes exactly what a woman goes through when her husband chooses to believe that an adulterous relationship with he devil is more fulfillling than the faithfulness of God or the wife God gave him.Hall renounces denial, without encouraging bitterness. She gives specific things a woman can do to begin the healing process within her crushed heart, begining with trusting God to lead.

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6 of 6 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars IT SAVED ME., January 18, 1998
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

I READ THIS BOOK ABOUT A YEAR AFTER FINDING OUT THE UNTHINKABLE HAD HAPPENED.IT ALLOWED ME TO TAKE THE FOCUS OFF OF HIM AND HIS PROBLEM AND PUT IT ON MY OWN HEALING. IT WAS ALSO FULL OF INFO ABOUT SEXUAL ADDITION. IT TRULEY CHANGED THE WAY I AM DEALING WITH THIS PROBLEM IN OUR FAMILY. IN FACT IT SO AFFECTED ME THAT MY HUSBND AND I HAVE DECIDED TO WRITE A BOOK OUT OUR STORY. IT WILL ADDRESS OUR SPECIFIC FAITH. THIS ADDICTION KNOWS NO BARRERERS.

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7 of 7 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars Powerful insight into addiction to pornography, December 13, 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

Well-written, gut wrenching, honest. Strongly recommend for any woman struggling with issues of integrity with husband, whether pornography related or not. Excellent guidance on approaching situation as a godly woman, no matter how hard or horrible situation becomes. Also encouraging and comforting to any woman struggling with marital situation privately and wondering how to proceed.

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66 of 71 people found the following review helpful
5.0 out of 5 stars helps Heal hurting wives & Stop husbands who hurt, July 5, 1997
By A Customer
This review is from: An Affair of the Mind (Paperback)

This book is extremely helpful to both women,
and men (who need to know the dangers down this road before traveling too far on it). I have recommended it to my wife (she too, has found help here) – and I will also ask my teen-aged daughters to read it. I think each young man should read this book around the time he first starts recognizing the incredible power of sexual urges in his life (I hope they are mature enough to handle it).
The author (my heart goes out to her), effectively communicates the problems with the “surface suggestions” that are offered to wives who are effected by their “hooked husbands”, and she tells how she has been able to keep her own dignity while helping her husband on his journey out of this quagmire. I have found help for myself in reading this book , ( I have had problems with soft-core porn). This book has helped me understand how this material has negatively impacted my ability to enjoy the optimum relationship with my wife — that of a REAL PERSON to PERSON RELATIONSHIP – as opposed to the situation where I receive sexual feelings outside of an environment of real interactions with the real person who is giving of herself to interact with me in myriad ways including sex). This book helps me understand the terrible price paid , when I succumb to unbridled lust : the effects this has on my wife and also on myself : not the least of which is how our relationship is hindered from being the best it can be for each of us

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